Monday, January 24, 2011

Not long ago we fought two world wars, completely industrialized our country, and sent men into space. While all of this was going on. people, I'm firmly convinced were much like they are today. But there was something that held certain human tendencies at bay. Something I talk about quite a bit. Consequences. People knew they needed to mind they're goddamned p's and q's. Because not long ago opening your mouth gave people the unspoken right to help you close it.
Rats snitches and stupid women are the only creatures on earth who you can't be surprised about talking.
I'm not allowed to beat the shit out of somebody who talks about what I write on this blog, I can't threaten you, I can't do anything but call you what you are. And I've stated those things above, you might be convinced you know who this is, the people or places I discuss in this blog. But non names are used, and that means your an asshole for believing you could know something that can't be confirmed. If common sense could be taught, the first lesson of it would be... Mind your own mother fucking god damned cunt sucking business, not just here. In your daily life, amongst your friends family coworkers, colleagues subordinates and enemies.
Don't stick your overly inquisitive conclusion jumping nose in other peoples shit.
I'll tell anybody that, straight up face to face, at gun point, nailed to a cross, with my tattooed dick of justice on a chopping block.
These things are none of your concern. Have a nice day.

One and negative one.

Alright dipshits geeky little philosophy lesson. Cops and robbers, good and evil, neo and smith, society has a bunch of different little ways of explaining an age old theory. That without bad guys we wouldn't have good ones, no sweet without sour. pleasure, without pain.
That being said I have a theory about life since this one is in place.
Ask a rockstar strung out on cocaine, and bruised from beautiful young women throwing themselves at Him naked how to approach life and he'll say " live it up man, life is short"
Now you ask a guy who has the daily grind, a shitty job, a lousy boss, freezing cold weather and a lack of money in his life and he may tell you a variety of things. Fuck life, thank god for whiskey, there is no hope, all is lost Meghan fox is hot. and I think about suicide on a daily basis.
You see in my opinion the world has a sort of twisted balance, and there is a god. And he has a twisted fucking sense of humor.
There are so many fucking stupid people who aimlessly walk through life without the ability to comprehend just how much they're fucking up the general populations day. There are people of incredible common sense, wisdom, and compassion, they are usually imprisoned and or executed. Sleezy pieces of shit that run governments and hard working blue collar men that always get named after diseases.
Gods sense of humor really is twisted. For those of you who do not know I will tell you I have a brother. We talk on the phone a lot, we summarized our weekends last night, it went something like this.
Him. Hey buddy how are you
Me. I'm doing good bud you got any good stories from the weekend.
Him. Do you want a like twelve or thirty six hour compilation?
Me. It's whatever dude
Him. Ok third option let's rock out an eighteen hour time line.
I have this girl over right, we do the deed. Next morning breakfast, move on with the day, after we got it on brunch style. This other ones been a crazy bitch but has my pan so she said she would bring it over. We argue via text then have some dinner she drops it off I go inside lock the door. Couple minutes later she comes back we do the deed. Wake up early the next morning with a massive bone, you know just like a raging hard on because I'm so used to having massive amounts of sex with different women. So I got this really cute one over that had breakfast with me the day before. She's like super into oral. Any time she has sex with me she demands it begins, and ends orally, she's like foul dude she like takes my boner and smacks it on the side of her face. And it's really surprising because she is so cute but such a freak in bed..........
What did you do bud.
Me. I beat this game on my iPad called eternal blade.

Yup, we walk, talk, pretty much look act breathe and live the same way. We eat the same foods like the same movies have the same skill sets, and we popped out of the same woman. You can't tell me that god doesn't have moments when he really just uses some of us as an example of how hard he can make a human life suck
Ie the theory that for ever one, my brother. There is a negative one, me

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Wiffle mall justice.

Have you thought what you would do if you could live a single day without consequences? Yesterday I finally found my own personal answer to this question. A little bit about me,
I absolutely hate the goddamned mall. With every fiber of my being and bit of my soul, it has just about very thing in life that I dislike rolled into one package. And every great once in a while, I am forced to go there.
For starters, the noise, from every direction, on all levels there are inescapable sounds of stupidity. From complaining children to teenagers squealing they're gossip at one another. Music of every genre but a good one blasted over loud speakers and out of every shop, the sounds of a million heels clicking away at your sanity as the ladies shuffle to and fro. looking for the perfect outfit to complete themselves as a person, announcements, food court order calls, and if your extremely fortunate, a baby with enough insight at it's surroundings to become terrified and scream till its vocal chords are hoarse. Then the sales representatives really start to do there part. stall venders with unbrushed teeth attempting to strong arm you into buying all natural make up, a guy who can't tuck a dress shirt in asking you what your cell phones data plan and roaming charges cost you. Maybe you'll get lucky the next time you want to buy a pair of jeans, and have the shirt that the manikin in the front window is wearing recommended.
On top of these atrocities, are the two issues that really truly make a mall worth hating. Security guards that don't know where anything but victorias secret is. And above all an issue which I'm sure I'll address in the future as well. people who walk on the wrong side of the isle. I swear to saint mother fucking tharisa I cannot stand it when people walk into opposing traffic. It's not that they slow me down, it's that they slow everybody down, the sheer selfishness it takes to be that much if a dick is beyond my comprehension.
So the answer to my consequence free day question for me. Is I would stalk through the shopping malls of America with a wiffle ball bat, and pent up aggression and smack the living shit out of every thing I disliked. Why not a real bat or something more dangerous you might ask. I'll tell you why, I've been smacked by one before, it hurts like the sound of an angry bitches voice that doesn't know what the he'll she's talking about, and leaves a huge mark. And that's what you deserve If your one of the people I described, except for the baby. You deserve some sharp annoying pain, and you ought to be marked in a way the good people of America can see you coming so they don't have to deal with your retarded behavior.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

I'm almost never sorry.

I wonder how many minutes of the average human life is wasted on apologies that we absolutely do not mean. I remember when I used to tell my mother I'm sorry, and she would ask me " are you sorry? Or are you just sorry you got caught". The very obvious answer is I'm only sorry because I got caught. For future reference to all you dipshits out there that I will surely offend at some point, I'm not sorry. I could give two shits about your feelings opinions hopes or dreams. If you have the power to make my life miserable, I will fabricate a well worded apology, i'll really try to make it seem like I actually feel bad. But I can promise you that Im most definitely not. I just don't want to be punished for my transgressions.
Let's pretend that the system that protects the weak feeble stupid and selfish doesn't exist. Let's go back to when the family heirlooms were a well concealed cave and a couple rocks. If I offended you and you had issue we'd kill each other with our bare hands. Because we don't have to worry abut repercussions like that anymore, we offend one another more often, and usually over things that aren't even nearly as important. My method to this, is because the morons of this world are blanketed by a politically correct society and I am not allowed to club them for the good of the species. I treat them poorly whenever I god damned please, and I never. Ever, say I'm sorry.